“But I Wanted to Go to the Beach!” How Unrealistic Expectations Steal Your Joy, and How to Pivot when Someone ‘Moves Your Cheese’

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem”

fCaptain Jack Sparrow

Have you ever had great expectations for something wonderful about to happen, then suddenly realized that what is happening is NOT what you anticipated or were prepared for? Not only that, but you don’t even want to be where you ended up at all?!

Sort of a “Who moved my cheese?!” moment?

That’s exactly what happened when we took our three sons — two teens and one pre-teen — to Disneyland for the first time several years ago. We spent several incredible days at the beach in SoCal, reconnecting with cousins, body surfing, kayaking on the open ocean, building one totally awesome sandcastle — basically doing all the things we Northerners love to do when we get to sunny California.

Back the Truck Up

Let me back the truck up a bit here. You see, we’re a rural family, and because our children raised livestock for multiple 4-H and FFA county fair projects, we couldn’t take summer vacations for many years since the animals had to be fed and watered and bathed and clipped and trained and…get my drift?!

We were tied to home on short strings.

But one year we planned early and paid OPC — Other Peoples’ Children — to care for the stock while we took an actual 10-day vaycay to spend time with our extended family at my aunt’s beach house and do some sightseeing, since we knew this wouldn’t happen again any time soon. By day 2 our boys thought they’d died and gone to heaven!

Great Expectations, Big Mistake

As part of our Big Adventure, my husband and I conspired to surprise our sons and whisk them off for a day of fab fun at Disneyland. We were sure they’d be thrilled, having never been. We had great expectations of an amazing experience. This is where it began to get interesting, and where we made our big mistake.

Early on our third or fourth day – I think it was a Tuesday – we loaded up the car, told the boys we were going exploring for the day, and headed out for the 2+hour drive. When they asked, we said, “Sure – wear beachy clothes, but we may or may not get there today.” And that wasn’t a lie.

But our middle son didn’t see it that way.

As we pulled into the parking garage at The Park, our oldest son finally pulled his nose out of the book he’d been reading the.whole.time. Our youngest son became suspicious that this was something new and unknown (he wasn’t a fan of the unknown). And as our middle son woke from his 2-hour coma-like nap, he gurgled, “Where are we?”

I eagerly exclaimed (in my pleasantest, friendliest, most eager, can’t-wait-to-see-their-excited-responses voice), “We’re at the Happiest Place on Earth!!”

And then it happened. The cheese got moved.

Moving Cheese

Our oldest son said, “Huh.” Understated surprise.

Our youngest son said, “I thought that’s where this might be.” Classic lack of enthusiasm.

But our poor middle son had assumed that the day would naturally involve the ocean because, well, he heard the ‘MAY do the ocean today’ part but ignored the ‘MAY NOT do the ocean today’ part. Did I mention that he had LOVED every minute of our beach vaycay up to this point? I mean, what 14-year-old wouldn’t love kayaking with his cousin TWO MILES out to sea on his first-ever trip to SoCal?! It suddenly hit him that he wouldn’t be kayaking or body surfing or swimming for a whole day. He exploded in the angry, offended, life’s-not-fair voice only an affronted teenage boy can muster.

“BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO THE BEACH!!”

Remember, this is Disneyland.

DISNEYLAND!

The place every-child-ever dreams of going.

The Happiest Place on Earth…

He threw a little — no, it was bigger than ‘little’ — tantrum right there.

In the Disneyland parking garage.

As all those other families and their happy, eager little children passed by our car, gawking at the squall coming from our window.

It was a sobering moment for me.

Here we were, expecting to give our sons the most wonderful, exciting, fun-filled day we could imagine, and the realization had hit them with the force of a wet blanket. They were surprised, but not astounded. They were intrigued, but not ecstatic. And Son Two was, well, angry and upset. And terribly disappointed.

Not the reactions we had imagined or expected.

Not My Happy Place

After I got over my shock, I realized that we probably should have prepared them for this earlier. So I responded in my most loving, understanding, I’m-so-sorry-this-isn’t-what-you’d-hoped-for voice. After all, ‘good moms’ should feel badly when their children get disappointed, right?

“Well, THIS is where we are, and THIS is where we’re spending the day, so YOU’D better STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT and just get over it because we’re GOING to have a FUN day whether YOU like it or not!!”

Can’t you just hear the warmth and compassion?

The one thing my middle son and I probably would have agreed on at that moment was that both of our cheeses had been moved. A very long way.

To make a short story long, we did spend the day at Disneyland, and we did in fact have a wonderful time. All three of our sons were smiling as we shuffled back to the car and headed for the beach house that evening. They each bought a souvenir to remind them that even though life isn’t always what we expect, our attitude determines whether we embrace the unexpected or hold onto our bitter disappointment and miss the joy of a new adventure.

Son One bought a Star Wars lightsaber keychain – practical, yet FORCEful!

Son Three bought a 15-inch tall Buzz Lightyear action figure; it became his constant companion for the remainder of our trip. It still sits atop his bed, and his nieces and nephew giggle every time Buzz says, “To Infinity — and Beyond!”

And Son Two? After being so disappointed that his day-at-the-beach had been unfairly denied him, and feeling like a victim of a horrible bait-and-switch scheme, and not WANTING to try a new adventure, Son Two brought home an Authentic Leather Indiana Jones Adventurer Fedora. From then on he only took it off to go kayaking or body surfing. When he outgrew it, he bequeathed that cherished memento of his Big Adventure to Son Three, who still wears it to this day.

Lesson Learned

Me? I bought a pair of Tinkerbell earrings to remind myself that while ‘faith, trust, and pixie dust’ may get me to Neverland, it’s my attitude toward the unanticipated and my commitment to pivot when things don’t go as planned that will determine my joy along my journey as a home schooling mom.

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem”- Captain Jack Sparrow.

And that’s what I want to encourage you with today, mama.

YOUR attitude toward the unexpected everyday events that occur in your home school journey determines the tenor in your home. Your warm smile that greets your children in the morning will carry them through the hard work of studying when they don’t want to. Your kindness will encourage them during the frustrations of practicing patience with their siblings as they learn to love one another. And your willingness to embrace the unexpected will pave the way toward the amazing learning adventure you’d hoped they would experience when you brought them home for school.

When you wake up tomorrow, and before you have to face whatever your day has in store, decide what tone you want to cultivate in your home.

Just for today.

Then determine to set the example for your children, grab that cuppa’, and greet whatever comes your way with a willingness to pivot and a good sense of humor! You CAN do this, mama!

Who knows? Maybe YOUR home will become ‘the happiest place on earth’ for your family, and the place they’d really rather be, after all.

I think I’ll put on my Tinkerbell earrings tomorrow. Just to remember.